This Little Shrine of Mine

Before some of you roll your eyes at what I have created, know that the purpose was for simplicity. I didn't include many of the things people would expect to see on an altar or a shrine - in fact, this shrine is set up for both my matron and patron.

I have felt a severe spiritual disconnect over the last few years, but especially over the last ten months. This is tied directly to my depression. I know Danu and Lugh are with me even in those times that I can't bring myself to get out of bed and, I don't know, bathe like a normal human being. Sometimes I talk to them but the real truth is that I am often a silent participant.

Wicca is about having a connection to deity, at least in my mind, but it is difficult to do in light of my current situation. This shrine is a way for me to connect to deity - it is a reminder that I am not alone even on those times that I feel I am. It is meant to inspire and comfort. I can see it from my bed and stare at it if nothing else. The photos below are of its first use.

Lugh

Lugh. There is the misconception that he is a Sun God when he is actually a God of Light. He is holding a natural citrine point and a piece of tumbled sunstone. In front of the statue are an ametrine point on the left and a selenite point on the right.

The candle is a white candle without any adornment because I was a little lacking on energy after getting it all put together.

Danu

Danu - The Celtic Mother. Her offering plate holds an aqua aura point as well as a piece of tumbled moonstone. In front of the statue is another ametrine point on the right. On the left is a clear quartz obelisk.

A candle was placed on her side of the shrine as well.

In the center is a vanilla incense cone. An awen pendant is sitting behind it but the flash required for you to be able to see the image has caused it to wash out slightly.

Yes, it is simple. That doesn't make it any less useful.

"In Shadows We Can Grow; We Are The Seeds We Sow"

The title of this post comes from "Last Goodbye," a song written by Alex Band, formerly of The Calling.

I was trying to figure out what I wanted to say in this post and started remembering the lyrics to this song. I'm sure by the end of this post you'll understand why those words are so to the point of my message. The keywords for this topic: depression, anxiety, suicide.

Some people will immediately think of Robin Williams when they read those three words. Alas, this post is all about me. And why shouldn't it be after a four month absence?

I suffer from:

• Major Depressive Disorder - Severe
• Social Anxiety Disorder
• Suicidal Thoughts

Before anyone asks, no, I am not currently a danger to myself or others. I am receiving treatment from a medical professional and while it seems most days as though the effort is futile, it is better than me giving in to the depression and doing nothing. Most days are a challenge for me. Some days I go hours without negative thoughts or the desire to harm myself and other days it is like a continual replay in my head. A lot of days I am unable to get out of bed. I am currently unemployed because of these conditions from which I suffer.

This post isn't to gain sympathy or ask for assistance. I have a support system in place and things are taken care of for the time being. Should that change, most of you will probably never know about it because that is the type of person I am. In fact, this entire post is a little like exposing my soul for the world to see. 

I have revealed bits about my depression before. None of you know of my previous suicide attempt; not because I was ashamed to admit it, but simply because it isn't talked about. I have been hospitalized three times. That doesn't mean I'm a crazy lunatic - it means I'm a human being who has had the courage to seek out help in those times where all I see is darkness and all I feel is despair. 

Removing the stigma from mental illness will go a long way in ensuring that those that need help are able to get it. However, this post isn't about politics or programs to help persons suffering with mental illness. It is simply an explanation for my long absences which will likely continue from time to time. I may begin talking about this experience of mine in further detail, especially in relation to my religious practice (or lack thereof). 

Just know that I am working on me and during the process I will be unable to be as active in the "community" as I would like to be. 

-Miach Rhys