Anxiety, Sadness, and the Weight of Spiritual Emptiness

 I struggle with major depression and anxiety every single day. Just getting out of bed and taking a shower has the potential to drain me of a lot of my energy. I know I'm not the only person in our community that struggles with mental illness, but sometimes it feels like we're all alone. Sometimes it feels like there's no point in living life, too. 

When I'm dealing with those moments, I usually feel spiritually empty at the same time. It's like someone has come along and drained away all my positive emotions and, in the process, they also took a little bit of my spirit. That's why I've been gone for so long. I'm still struggling, but I hope to be more active in the next few months as I start a couple of new medications and restart therapy. 

Life is always going to be a struggle for me, but I have hope again and I'm going to hang onto it for as long as possible. In moments like these, I feel great comfort from my faith and from the blessings the Gods and Goddesses have provided to me over the years. My point in making this post is this: it's okay to feel spiritually empty. It's a part of life and you'll eventually find your way to the other side. 

Life is struggle sometimes. Our lives are made better when we fight for it, so when you're feeling low and like you can't go on, take that time to recharge your energy. Refocus and reevaluate the things that are working and the things that aren't. And when you're ready, fight with everything you've got to give.

Pagan Blog Project Update

I'm so far behind with the Pagan Blog Project. It is now October and the last month I participated was March! There's no reason to fret though, I'm getting ready to resume the posts. Better late than never, right?

The first post for "g" will go up today and the second one will be up by tomorrow evening.

Thanks for your patience!

"In Shadows We Can Grow; We Are The Seeds We Sow"

The title of this post comes from "Last Goodbye," a song written by Alex Band, formerly of The Calling.

I was trying to figure out what I wanted to say in this post and started remembering the lyrics to this song. I'm sure by the end of this post you'll understand why those words are so to the point of my message. The keywords for this topic: depression, anxiety, suicide.

Some people will immediately think of Robin Williams when they read those three words. Alas, this post is all about me. And why shouldn't it be after a four month absence?

I suffer from:

• Major Depressive Disorder - Severe
• Social Anxiety Disorder
• Suicidal Thoughts

Before anyone asks, no, I am not currently a danger to myself or others. I am receiving treatment from a medical professional and while it seems most days as though the effort is futile, it is better than me giving in to the depression and doing nothing. Most days are a challenge for me. Some days I go hours without negative thoughts or the desire to harm myself and other days it is like a continual replay in my head. A lot of days I am unable to get out of bed. I am currently unemployed because of these conditions from which I suffer.

This post isn't to gain sympathy or ask for assistance. I have a support system in place and things are taken care of for the time being. Should that change, most of you will probably never know about it because that is the type of person I am. In fact, this entire post is a little like exposing my soul for the world to see. 

I have revealed bits about my depression before. None of you know of my previous suicide attempt; not because I was ashamed to admit it, but simply because it isn't talked about. I have been hospitalized three times. That doesn't mean I'm a crazy lunatic - it means I'm a human being who has had the courage to seek out help in those times where all I see is darkness and all I feel is despair. 

Removing the stigma from mental illness will go a long way in ensuring that those that need help are able to get it. However, this post isn't about politics or programs to help persons suffering with mental illness. It is simply an explanation for my long absences which will likely continue from time to time. I may begin talking about this experience of mine in further detail, especially in relation to my religious practice (or lack thereof). 

Just know that I am working on me and during the process I will be unable to be as active in the "community" as I would like to be. 

-Miach Rhys

 

Merry Meet Again!

I have finally received the majority of my crystals from Missouri.

It has been fun to go through and take a look at my long-lost friends. Most of them have been out of my possession for almost an entire year. It is hard to believe it has been so long!

When I was given the opportunity to move to Washington, I packed up the bare essentials and left within a week. It's nice to have my full crystal kit available once again, minus my large peridot and a clear quartz point I purchased from Hibiscus Moon. No worries though, they're at the local post office waiting for me to get in gear and pick 'em up!

Now I have the happy task of going through the plastic boxes I've been storing them in and getting them cleaned out. It is also an opportunity to redo the organization process which, truth be told, is even more important now than it was previously. Perhaps I'll make a video and share the process?

Note: Part of this process has been to match up my Crystal Guidance cards with their corresponding crystals. I feel that this helps them energetically link so that when I do an oracle reading with them, I'll be tapping into the crystal's energy without even having to bring it out from my collection. Not that that would ever be a problem. :)

To learn more about the cards, go here.